camp-T memories

well i suppose for this im gonna get alot of stupid comments about this post, but thats okay. i think the whole reason im gonna post about this is to give you all some opening to comment. you know, give the readers what they really want. well im sure alot of you might enjoy reading this. its something that i dont think i would tell anyone about, ever, but i dont think im really in a sane state of mind today, so ill let you guys benifit from it.

for some strange reason i started thinking back to a time of the carefree, joyus days of summer day camp. its gonna be pathetic to tell you how old i was, but it musta been in 5th or 6th grade. it was my first real camp expirience so i was pritty excited about it, but i was very nervous. i remember being dropped off and having to go to this desk (in the middle of some pincnic area) and tell them my name and they'd tell me what group i went to. they pointed to some group and i walked over there. there were two councelors per group, and this one had two guy councelors. they sorta said high but pritty much ignored me. i settled in for a lonely day. (i used to get horrible homesickness) things were made even worse because once they finally checked their list, they couldnt find me on it. so i was in the wrong place and no one knew where i was supposed to be. so not only was i friendless, i was unwanted, unwelcome. i wanted to go home.

finally when everything was sorted out i was walked over to another group. this one i knew was a friendly group, there was something special about this one. you know how i knew? if you payed close attention you might be able to figure it out. the two councelors in this group were two girls. yeah,, they were both the prittiest, nicest councelors in the whole entire world. made me kinda grin and get a funny grin on my face im sure. and when i walked over there, they both smiled and welcomed me (probly just cause i was late and they needed to meet me) but it made me feel not homesick at all. i suppose i was willin to stick around a little longer. see if i could make a new friend.

i quickly learned something about myself that day. i can be very jelous. you see,, half the people on our group were guys. and most of them were of "higher rank" than me socially. (now i see that they were arrogant and bullyish little putzes) but to me (remember, short fat kid with big glasses and funny haircut) they were big competition and they were all the cool ones. all the guys new that these were pritty councelors and they all knew that they'd need some sort of edge on everyone else. it was a compettition thing. sounds really wierd, but id never seen such underhandedness and such a display of cunningness we all showed just to get these councelors to notice us.

and there were two things we could do to make ourselves feel special, we could carry thier backpacks, or we could hold thier hands. and that was pritty much all the goals we had for the week. because of that i vividly remember carrying the 1st councelors backpack. she was very grateful and it made me feel special. she was blonde and skinny, of the two, a little less pritty, but i think that made the other guys focus more on the other girl. so i took advantage of that and made a new friend. i forget her name. i also remember walking up and grabbing onto the 1st councelors hand before another guy could get it. in a situation with multiple guys and minimal targets, its good to be agressive and go for it. makes me laugh, and it probly makes you laugh or better yet cringe to think about it. if we were a year older it woulda been wierd, but then it was acceptable, the councelors knew there wasnt really any harm in it, and im sure we used that to our advantage.

over that week i think i made alot of progress with the councelor. she started remembering my name. i remember during one of the campfires i got to sit next to her. that was the first email adress id ever gotten from a girl. i emailed her for a few months, and when she went to college (that fall) i only got one or two responces. then eventually, i heard nothing more from her. wimper.

you know, now that i look back on this post, i realise that i was (if not still am) one of the wierdest little people in the world. i mean i guess we've all had crushes on people way older than you as a kid. at the basketballe game there was this girl that everyone said had a crush on me. (i knew it) but she was like 5, not 5th grade. shudder. but like i said in my last post, i wouldnt change anything, but its silly to look back and think about it. and im sure ill get that lesson taught to me a couple times in the near future.

sigh. so there you have it. ammunition. id better leave before i say anything else.